It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.