So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
