Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
