I met the friendliest cop last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills