I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity