I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.