you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We have started to decorate penises.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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