hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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