WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
