My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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