We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize