Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize