I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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