I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude i'm inner monologue high
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
