Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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