do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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