Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize