how can u be prego again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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