Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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