I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
