im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
