At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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