i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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