At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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