Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
