I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize