Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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