Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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