I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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