new low.... made out with someone while peeing
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
