Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
