I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
