erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
