So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
