jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
