Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
