I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
