i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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