Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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