I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
