Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
