the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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