I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
