So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
