If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
