I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
