Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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