Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
