You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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