Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
