Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
