I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
