A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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