Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
