I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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