Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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