3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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