i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
