every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
