i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
