That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
