You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
