i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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