im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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