: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
