All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.