i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office