gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.