Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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