It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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