you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
