i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
