The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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